Maybe I was Just Confused
by Death by Fallen Star
Summary: Santana's a lesbian since she's in love with Britney, and Sebastian has a messed up past but he's stil gay. So why is it when they meet, being gay is the farthest thing from their minds? Rating it T, but it's close to M sometimes. Sebtana.
1. Chapter 1

**Maybe I Was Just Confused**

She couldn't believe it. Standing here, looking up at him with her strong stance and proud posture, she couldn't believe what she was feeling as she stared right into the face of Sebastian Smythe.

She was turned on.

Hard core turned on too, like she hadn't been in a long time. His hot breath panting down onto her cheeks, his body warmth radiating onto her from his where he stood so close to her, and the memory of his hand slowing gliding up her shoulder.

What the fuck? She couldn't be turned on; Sebastian was a _boy_. AKA, he had a penis. She wasn't attracted to guys, she was a lesbian.

But here she was, staring into his brown eyes and feeling a deep rouse the pit of her stomach. The cellist had left and, for some reason, that made her relieved. She tried to swallow, but noticed her throat was clogged and her mouth was thick with saliva. She needed to get a grip _right now _before something weird happened. Like following the instincts that seemed to be sprouting out of the pit in her stomach and tried to make her do things she knew couldn't possibly right. Like how she wanted to yank his head down to her an kiss him so hard his lips would be as blue as his balls once she was done with him and then-

"Well then." His words broke off her thoughts and seemed to slow the boil the pit in her stomach had started. She regained all of her composer. She was Santana, a proud, strong, _lesbian _badass, and this little… thing, wasn't going to throw her off her game.

"Yes, well then," she replied, so relieved her voice came out just as strong she had wanted it to.

She really wasn't sure what to expect after that. Maybe a snarky comment, an insult, some harsh criticism about her singing, another racist remark, _anything_ other than what he did.

He smirked and said: "You're hot."

Her eyes blinked rapidly and she meant to take a step back or slap him or scoff or make some remark, but she just… stood there. Stood in front of him and stared at him like she couldn't comprehend what he was saying because… she couldn't.

Wait, he called her… hot?

Her eyebrow quirked and she did her best to sound bored, "Thought you were a gay prick?"

"Oh, I am," he told, still smirking like an idiot.

Okay, she was so confused. "So what?"

"So, you're hot," he told, still smirking in a way that put the pit of her stomach back to boil and making a sweat break out across her body.

"What are you-." She stopped midsentence. Mostly because she had too, since it's hard to talk when you find a guy suddenly making out with your face.

Wait. Making out. Guy. Face. Stomach boiling over and, and-

Oh, fuck it. She was thinking about this too much.

She closed her eyes and pressed her lips harshly against his. He made a noise deep in the back of his throat that sounded startled and this made her smirk. She had control now, and she had no intention of letting go of it anytime soon. Forget if he was a guy who was suppose to be gay and she was suppose to be lesbian, she was too turned on to care.

She snaked her arms around his neck and entangled her fingers as tight as she could into his hair and pushed him even closer to him. He seemed to be over his surprise, and started to kiss her back, but she was managing to maintain control as she drove her tongue into his mouth. He retaliated by gripping onto her hips and pressing so hard she could feel the bruises coming. She didn't mind, and took the advantage to jump up and wrap her legs around his waist, pulling his hair in the process.

Her control slipped though as she jumped and her mouth ended up moving away from his and she forgot what she was doing and just like that, Sebastian was in control.

His hands moved from clutching her hips to grabbing her ass to hold her up. As he moved forward, finding a wall to push her up against, he moved his mouth across her cheek and lightly bit on her jaw line, loving the feeling of her fingers threaded into his hair. He knew this was a weird situation, much like she did, but unlike Santana, he had decided not to dwell on the intense sexual frustration between them. So what if he was gay and she was a girl? This was just sex, and that was something he was good at.

He nipped down on the area right below her ear, and as he did, he just barely heard the sound of a moan in the back of her throat. His smirk grew. He had to tease her, he just had too.

"You like that?" He did it again.

"Mmm," she noised, clearly trying to hide her pleasure. She tried to distract him, get his attention away from her weak spot. "I… I thought you were gay?"

He didn't stop, and bit there again, this time gaining a full moan. "I am. I thought you were a too?"

"I am," she said definitely, but felt that boil in her stomach just continued to spill over and scald any sense she had left away.

"Then do you want me to stop?" He bit there again, harder and gained another full moan from the Latina.

She tried to clear her head, but her thoughts were foggy and the main thought that kept coursing through was that his body was pushed up so close to hers and she was so turned on she didn't know how she could let him stop.

"No," she finally said, but, in an attempt to sound more in control, she added, "Only once though."

He bit her spot again and whispered into her ear. "Fine, one time."

**!&!**

Four rounds later, Santana laid on top of Sebastian, panting harder than she had after singing with him. He was panting too, with that same damn smirk on his face. They both were finally out of gas after continuously trying to one-up each other, and the end result was both of them naked, at least twenty chairs flipped over, and one of her nails broke and the floor had a scratch.

She pushed herself off of him, looking at him. His hair was a mess (and she guessed a good bunch was missing from her pulling it), he was covered in sweat, and he his lips had a purple hue to them that made her smirk.

"Damn," he said, staring at her. Her hair was _much_ worse than his was, but in a sexier way he was sure, all patted down and sticking up all over the place. She was covered in sweat, and just below her ear he could see the obvious hickey/bite mark he had left. He sighed. "Wish I could smoke. This is a total cigarette moment."

She rolled her eyes and stood up. "Yeah, whatever. Better get over it quick, since I said only one time." She went around the room, trying to find all of her discarded clothes. She thanked her stars again her dad had let her rent the room the whole day. The situation she was in right now would be awkward to explain.

Sebastian sat up, not bothering to cover up himself in the slightest. "Is that what you meant? I thought we tossed out that agreement after you decided to tear the rest of my blazer off."

She paused, and he knew he was right. She quickly shook her head and went back to collecting her clothes, making sure to drop her shoes on all of his belongings. "Well, it doesn't matter. That last time was the just that: _the last time_. I've got a girlfriend, and you're gay."

He smirked, standing up and going to get himself dressed. "You've got a girlfriend, huh? And do you plan on telling her about our… encounter?" He chuckled and picked up his boxers.

Santana snapped up and walked over to him, now only clad in her under garments. She pointed at him and threatened him quickly, "No. And neither will you, you little Twink. I just got her and if she found out what happened between… us, it would crush her." She glared, hard, and made sure to focus on being angry and tough, just in case.

He just stared right back. "You sure do seem to care about. Well, aside from the whole cheating thing."

Santana froze, the word hitting her like a semi. _Cheat_. That's what she just did. She cheated on Brittney. With a guy too! A guy who everyone else hated and was standing close to her again and what? Was that the pit in her stomach again? What was going on with her? She thought of Brittney and felt guilt overwhelm her whole being.

_Smack!_

She didn't remember doing it, but the next thing she knew Sebastian was facing a different direction and her hand was in the air and stung from the strong contact.

He was stunned, by the smack, the pain, and the sudden thoughts plaguing his brain suddenly. He was here, having sex, with a _girl,_ who liked _girls_. What the fuck was going on with him? He looked back at Santana, suddenly completely comprehending the situation he had thrown himself into. He had just some of the greatest sex he ever had, but with a girl. And the sex was _great_. Wish a _girl_. Who liked _girls_. What the fuck was going on?

He backed off, and he realized how stupid that was because to her it must have been a sign of submitting. He tried to play it off, but the cocky look in her eyes knew it was too late. "Whatever, I'd gain nothing from breaking you too apart. I'm saving that job for, um, Blaine and Kurt."

"Um"? He was going crazy. It was the only logical explanation behind what was going on his head.

Santana lifted her head, clearly having no intention on commenting on his last statement.. "Whatever, stay away from me and my friends," she told, then went to go get dressed. She tried to hide the heat on her cheeks. Thank gawd she was Latina and blushes didn't show up as quick. She put her dress back on and smoothed out the wrinkles best she could. She put on her shoes and started for the door.

That was till his voice pricked her ears from the other side of the room.

"Santana."

She took a breath, poured ice over the pit in her stomach, and pivoted around, trying to act as nonchalant as possible as she looked to him and said, "What do you want Flat-Face?"

He was dressed now, his blazer and trademark smirk in place at her response and held his hand up. "Forgetting something?" In his hand, he held her hat.

She narrowed her eyes and, as quickly as she could, walked over to him, snatched the hat from his grasp, placed it on her head, before turning and walking out. She did her best through her actions to hide the fact her heart was going 300 miles per hour at the moment.

And Sebastian? Well, he was trying to look cocky as he hid the mixture of confusion, worry, and desire he felt over the girl who strutted out.

He barely caught it before she walked out the door, but he just barely saw her hand go up and stroke the hickey he had left below her ear. His own hand went to his mouth and gingerly touched his bruised lips, just as the door shut.


	2. Chapter 2

The next few days passed in confusion for Santana. She had no clue what was going on in her head and body. She held hands with Britney in the hall, but thoughts of Sebastian clutching her waist plagued her with each step; her and Brittney shared kisses after practice and rehearsal, but the memory of his hot lips nipping on her weak spot tied her stomach; and she and Britney had been intimate, but the sheer tremble of her body almost made her call out _his_ name.

She felt sick, like a liar and a cheat, because that's what she was. Here she had spent the past year telling Britney she loved her, and then in just the drop of a hat (literally) she cheated. With a guy. A guy her whole club hated and was a _boy_. What was wrong with her?

When the New Directions had asked what the outcome of the duel had been, she had tried to act as normal as possible, telling them she had clearly won and Sebastian was mad about that and they spent an hour arguing. She told them the two had finally come to an agreement for neither group to do any Michael Jackson songs, and that the war between the Warblers and the New Directions was done. Everyone was just as happy and they were disappointed, and Kurt and Blaine were still in a rough spot since she had told them that Sebastian had no intention of letting up on his pursuit.

It was hard to tell the group though, since the whole time all she could think about was what her and Sebastian did. Every part of it. It had just been haunting since she walked out of that hotel work room.

**!&!**

Sebastian was in a similar situation. His mind was over ridden with thoughts of Santana. In the few days apart from each other, he had woken up 6 mornings and having to wash his clothes before his mom found them. The two days it took for his lips to heal were filled with thoughts of her fiery lips pressing against his own in every way. One day, in the middle of pre-calculus, he started to daydream and his thoughts quickly directed to Santana and it became quite obvious that he wasn't paying attention to math to his classmates.

He was feeling weird and confused and sick all at once. In a weak attempt to try and get rid of thoughts of the bronzed skinned girl, he went to the club and hooked up with the first guy who would glanced his way. It did little though, since half way through he realized everything the other man did only triggered a stronger memory of Santana, and in the end, he felt worst.

He tried to find logic behind it all, behind why he was worked up over a _girl_. He came up with a few reasons, but there was a part of him that knew they weren't true. One was that it had been power sex, she was a dominator and so was he, which made it challenging and fun. Another was that the song they had sung had created tension between them and they had been able to get rid of that tension instantly, instead of having to put it off and drag it out. But all of his excuses just felt like lies, which didn't help, because he couldn't figure out why he was so attracted to a girl.

Flickering thoughts from his past tried to give answers, but he shoved them away, deep into a part of his brain he didn't go near. Memories couldn't help with his current predicament, so there was no need to bring them up. Not now, and not ever.

**!&!**

Nine days had passed, and Santana was sitting in her room with her laptop, scrolling through pictures of her and Brittney in their sophomore year. Another attempt to remind herself why she loved Brit and was a lesbian, that seemed to be just barely working. She smiled at the quirky pictures of them hugging and laughing, but her heart didn't flutter like it use to.

_I'm just comfortable with her now,_ she tried to convince herself.

She scrolled through two more pictures when the IM conversation popped up.

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__Hey, did you tell your little group to not do MJ songs?_

She stared at the IM, eyes wide and the pit in her stomach reacting. Why was he IMing her? They had IMed once right after, where she had told him the story to tell the Warblers and not to do MJ or she would think of something terrible to do to him. He had simply replied with: "Okay, whatever." And that was supposed to be that.

So why was he IMing her again?

She shrugged and wrote back.

_**Latina_Lopez93: **__Yeah._

(It took her five minutes to come up with that reply.)

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__Good._

She rolled her eyes and closed out of that IM window. He was a jerk. What was she doing getting all flustered over him? He was a jerk and a guy. Brittney was his exact opposite. Sweet, innocent, and a girl. That's what she liked. Yup, there would be no more worrying about how she felt towards Twink, because it was obvious. She hated him. He was an asshole, jerk, stupid, and—

_**SebastianSmythe01:**__ You miss me? ;)_

Santana froze. Every part of her body, even the pit in her stomach froze into a tight knot that made her feel sick. What the fuck was up with this guy? What was his game?

More important questions: What did she do now? Did she ignore it? Did she write back? What should she write back? Did she put something mean? Witty? Genuiningly wondering what the fuck this guy was thinking?

She wrote the first thing her shaking fingers could manage:

_**Latina_Lopez93:**__ U drunk or something?_

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__No, just curious._

_**Latina_Lopez93: **__Well no. I don't "miss" u. Why r u asking stupid ass questions?_

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__I think you miss me._

_**Latina_Lopez93:**__ Think all u want, but it's not tru._

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__Are you saying you haven't thought of me once since our little "encounter"?_

Santana froze again, her fingers hovering over the keyboard and her cheeks reddening every time she reread what he put. What the fuck was he getting at? Why was he saying this? What did he want? He was gay right? Why did he keep doing stuff like this? Why was the pit in her stomach freaking out? Why was she freaking out? _What was going on?_

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__I'll take that as you have. ;)_

Shit. Now she hated waited too long. She replied as quickly as she could.

_**Latina_Lopez93: **__So what if I have? I've mostly just been thinking about how terrible it was compared to when me and my girl get it on._

She was lying, but surely he wouldn't catch that through text. He wasn't that smart.

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__Uh-huh…._

_ I think you're lying._

Shit.

_**Latina_Lopez93:**__ Again, think all u want, but it's not tru._

_**SebastianSmythe01:**__ How'd you explain the hickey to "your girl"?_

Again, she froze. This time guilt eating her up again at the memory of telling Brittney that the hickey (that had been more of a bite mark with a big bruise around it) had been the result of rolling out of bed and hitting a shoe. Brittney believed her without a second thought and Santana felt terrible.

_**Latina_Lopez93: **__Told her I fell._

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__Tsk, tsk._

_**Latina_Lopez93: **__Shut the fuck up and leave me alone_

_ Ur such an ass_

_ U know what I think?_

_ I think u've been thinking of me and are all hot and bothered and ur just trying to spin your feelings onto me_

He made no reply for a long time. A whole ten minutes. She smirked and crossed her arms and just stared at the IM window. Ha, she won this match. _Take that Sebastian Smythe_, she thought, _you cocky little stuck up—_

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__Maybe I have._

Her entire being froze.

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__I shouldn't have messaged you._

_ I don't know what I'm doing._

_ Ugh, whatever, I'm sorry._

_**SebastianSmythe01 is offline.**_

Santana stared at the screen, for a long time. Not thinking, not reacting—just staring.

Then, she shut her laptop, curled into her bed, and tried her best to go to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

He stared blankly at his coffee. Just sitting in the Lima Bean, staring at his coffee blankly. Feeling weird. Feeling stupid. Feeling….

"Dammit," he mumbled and took a quick drink out of the cup. He had been feeling so weird as of late.

It had been two days since he had IMed… her. He didn't know what made him do it, he just logged on and immediately noticed that Latina_Lopez93 was online and he just... wanted to. He wanted to IM. He had no clue what his intentions were, and that's why he had chose such a random topic. Of course she would have told New Directions about not doing Michael. He was just being stupid.

And after that question, he should have left it at that, but _no_, he had to tease her. Had to be a jerk. What was wrong with him? He just made an ass of himself to her. Why was he feeling like this?

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, immediately pulling them back when the memory of other fingers entered his mind. He was so obsessed…. It was really scaring him.

After a few breaths, he cleared most of his mind of thoughts about… her, and sat back up straight.

He was greeted with a sight that, just two weeks ago, would have thrilled him. Kurt and Blaine, walking into the Lima Bean, hand-in-hand. He sighed. The two hadn't noticed him, and he was thankful. Just the thought of trying to piss them off just… exhausted him.

He shook his head quickly. No, he should go up to them. Maybe talking to Blaine will remind him that he liked Blaine, that he liked boys, and… she, was just a thing. Yeah, that's what heneeded to do.

So, he quickly stared at the two of them, coming up with his best lines. He had a good set of them and just as he went to get up, a group followed Blaine and Kurt in, getting into line right behind them. It was Rachel and Finn, and Brittney and… her.

"You have_ got to be kidding me_," he hissed under his breath and situated himself back into has seat.

Was he really freaking out? Yes. Should he have been? No. Did he have a plan on what to do now? No. Should he do something instead of just sitting there, freaking out over a girl? Yeah, probably.

He waited until the group was sitting to get up. He grabbed his coffee and rubbed his temples furiously. He could still interact with Blaine. It would show… her, that he was just being stupid that night. Maybe he should have told her he was drunk that night he IMed her, it would have been a better excuse to explain his actions.

He straightened up his posture and placed his smirk on his face. Confidently, he walked over to the group and quickly caught all of their attention. "Hello everyone, how are all of you wannabe's? Except for you, of course Blaine." His eyes flittered over to Santana, who was giving him a gaze that he couldn't place but made his throat feel clogged.

She spoke, "Oh look everyone, the Cheshire cat is here. Always showing up when no one wants him to be around." She glared, but he caught a smile tug at her lips, so he teased back.

"Oh, Santana, I didn't know you'd be here. I figured you'd be watching after one of your twenty brothers and sisters."

"Ha!" she laughed. "What a fail of a stereotype, much like your attempt to sound witty. Did you get your jokes where you get your sex? You know, public chartrooms."

His smirk grew. "Oh no Santana, I get my sex from much better places. You would probably know a few."

Santana's eyes widened and he could see the tint of a blush start on her cheeks. She tried to recover quickly, "Again, fail at a stereotype. Just because I'm Latina doesn't mean I hang around prostitutes, like you."

He wanted to laugh, loudly, but that would have been out of character for him, so he just said, "As much as I'd like to correct your statement, I must be going. I'll see you on America's Most Wanted, Santana." He almost right then, but thought better and added, "Good bye Blaine."

Blaine rolled his eyes and looked away and Sebastian left.

Santana refused to let her eyes watch after him. She couldn't believe him, just showing up and making the stomach pit start boiling and then making that comment. He was such an, an, he was stupid. Why couldn't he just leave her alone?

She felt Brittney squeeze her hand and she looked up at the blonde. "Hm?" she noised, smiling as sweet as she could, even though her stomach was still in knots.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Santana felt her pulse quicken with worry. "Yeah. Fine. Why?"

Britney shrugged. "You just got kind of quiet."

She smiled at her girlfriend, feeling absolutely terrible. She squeezed her hand back and said, "No, I'm fine."

The blonde smiled happily and turned her attention back to the group. Santana tried to do the same, but every once in awhile her thoughts would drift to the way Sebastian was acting. IMing her… Making those comments…. What was going on?

"Um, excuse me!" someone called from the other side of the coffee shop. The group stopped their discussion of Regional song selections and turned to face the girl, who was standing beside a table and holding something in her hands. "Is… _Sebastian Smythe_ here? He's left his wallet!"

The lady who was working the counter chirped up. "Oh! He just left a moment ago." Her gaze drifted to the New Directions sitting innocently at a table together. "Hey, you kids know who he is; can you take it to him?"

Santana didn't know what made her do it, what part of her body said "This is a good idea!". All she knew was she immediately responded with a, "I'll do it."

Everyone in the group turned to look at her, surprised, shocked, and some making confused noises. She freaked out, but was able to remain calm and quietly make a statement that would explain her actions, "I just want to find out what house to egg later."

Everyone laughed and took this as an exceptional excuse, Rachel even asked to "tag-along", to which Santana replied with a comment about how that would be fine as soon she stopped wearing grandma shawls.

**!&!**

She sat in her car, doing her best not to freak out. She was parked across the street from his house, just sitting there. She had been sitting there for about ten minutes, trying to figure out what to do. Did she walk up, hand it to him and say: "Here, by the way, stop being a dick." That could work, but she couldn't say it. She didn't know why, but she couldn't. She just, UGH!

Her eyes glanced into her rearview mirror and she instinctively went to go pat down her hair and make herself more presentable. Then, she cursed herself. She didn't need to look presentable for _him_, so she ruffled her hair in an attempt to make it look like she didn't care but then it just looked like she was trying to look sexy so she patted it down again and then screamed.

She inhaled and held her breath for as long as she could. She just had to get out of the car and get it over with. Give him his wallet, tell him to back off, then go home. That's what she had to do, that's what she was _going_ to do.

Another big exhale, and then she was out of the car. She walked across the street, the pit in her stomach getting tighter and tighter with each step. She should turn around. Leave the wallet on the front porch. Turn around. Forget the wallet. Just… just anything besides walk up the cement steps. Anything besides ring the door bell. Anything besides stand there, letting the pit in her stomach roar. Anything besides hold her breath when she heard the door lock click. Anything besides forget how to breathe when he opened the door.

It was the first time she had seen him without his Dalton uniform on. He had on a white t-shirt, a green and blue plaid shirt on top, and jeans. Such a simple outfit, but she felt herself get the same feelings she had when they had sang. The pit in her stomach pouring over her entire being eating away at her senses.

"Santana?" he asked, his voice genuinely curious. "What are you doing here?"

She felt so stupid, so girly and childish as she held out the black leather wallet. "You, um, you left this. At the Lima Bean."

His eyes glanced down, he stared at the wallet. Could he see her hand shaking? Wait, why was she shaking? Why was she reacting the way she was? Why was this happening again?

He looked back at her and held eye contact with her as he reached out and grabbed the wallet from her hand, taking far too long to pull it back. She stood there and kept staring into his eyes as he placed it in his back pocket.

They stared at each other for a longer than appropriate amount of time. Just stared and stared and the pit was freaking out and steaming and exploding.

"I have to go," she said suddenly, realizing she was losing all control. She turned around and pushed all thoughts of his skin and heat and everything about him away from her and—

His hands wrapped around her forearm. Not in a threatening or demanding way, in a pleading way. "Santana, wait," he said. His skin felt like fire through her thermal shirt. It was burning her and she felt so helpless. She needed to tug away and leave, she had too.

Still, she turned to face him and caught sight of his pleading brown eyes. His faced that showed the same painful confusion she felt and she wasted no time slinging her arms around him and kissing him fiercely, something she had wanted to do since she left that hotel work room.

She jerked on his hair and clanged her teeth against his. He wrapped his strong on her arms around her waist and hugged her tightly to him as he started to walk backwards into his house, pulling her as carefully as he could.

_Just one time_. The words echoed in her mind like a loud clanging bell and she pressed her lips harder to him as he slammed the door shut. She pushed him against the hallway wall forgetting her guilt as his mouth trailed to her weak spot, nipping over the almost completely healed hickey, clearly intending to remark it.

Her hands traveled under his shirt and felt each of his abs. She moaned out his name and he flipped them so she was pressed against the wall. He bit harder and she dragged her nails down his stomach.

"Tell me you want me," he breathed in her ear.

She stopped, panting like a runner, and his words shook around in her mind. He pulled back and stared at her, panting just as hard, with her lipstick smudged around his mouth. She couldn't believe it, how true her next words were, as she looked him in the eye and said, "I want you."

He smirked and even though she knew she should feel terrible and confused, she mostly just felt… something.

She forced his head back to hers and kissed away thoughts of guilt and confusion and other things and focused on him, his fire lips and rock body shoved against hers.

And Sebastian, focused on Santana's words._ I want you…_ She wanted him. She _wanted_ him. He wanted her. He_ wanted_ her. They wanted each other.

He kissed her harder.

**!&!**

Four rounds later, they ended up in his room, on his bed, staring at the ceiling. They had the sheets entangled around their entangled bodies and were just… laying there.

He spoke first, "Seriously, I wish I had a cigarette. That was total cigarette sex."

Santana couldn't believe it, but she giggled. He looked down at her and smiled. She smiled back and the pit in her stomach, fluttered. Wait, what?

"What?" he asked.

"I don't… know," she shook her head and looked back at his ceiling.

He sighed, and directed his focus back to his ceiling. He tried not to think of how amazing it felt to just be lying next to her. Just with her body pressed against his and her sweat mixing with his. Why… why did this feel so amazing? So comfortable, so… right? Why _did_ this feel so right? Why couldn't this be simple?

"Where are your parents?" she suddenly asked.

He cleared his throat, getting rid of the heavy thoughts inflicting his mind, and answered her. "My mom's at a photo shoot in Paris, and my dad's working a case. He usually stays at the office till the case is done."

"Hm," she noised. "What's your mom do?"

"Photographer. Worldly famous and stuff, so she goes away a lot," he told.

She got quiet for a long time, staying completely still. He felt weird suddenly. He could understand her first question, what was the possibility of them walking in and stuff. But the second one? Did she care? Did he care if she cared? What did it mean if she cared? Did it mean that something more was going on in her mind about them? Was there more going on? What _was_ going on? They had fantastic sex and then he just felt like shit afterwards. What did that mean?

He couldn't give a single answer to any of the questions. Not one and it was driving him crazy.

Suddenly, she sat up. "I have to go," she said. She started to get out of bed as he reacted.

"Wait, what?" he said, sitting up as fast as he could. "Why? What's wrong?" That was a stupid question.

She paused, but refused to look at him. "It's getting late, my parents will be wondering where I am," she lied. It was a lie, he could tell. She bent down and grabbed one of the blankets they had thrown to the ground and wrapped it around her naked form.

"No, that's not why you're leaving," he told. "Why are you leaving?" Why did he care? She should leave.

"I just… I have to go," she told. She started out of his room, clearly going to get her clothes from wherever they had been thrown off.

He stood up quickly, wrapping the sheet around his waist and following after her. "Santana, wait," he said, doing his best to maneuver with the big fabric entwining around him.

He didn't understand why he was freaking out. He shouldn't be chasing after her and trying to find out why she was leaving. She _should_ leave, get away from him and leave him alone.

…But he didn't want her too. He wanted her to stay, to… talk to him. Oh gawd, he was losing his mind.

"Santana!" he called, following her down the stairs and finally catching up with her. This time when he grabbed her forearm to turn her around, he did it a little more forcefully than when he had earlier, a quickly loosened his grip as she turned around.

She stared at him, with her wide eyes, messy hair, swollen lips, and hickey mark so clearly seen compared to the rest of her skin. She stared at him, looking so lost and confused and he knew how she felt and he just wanted this to be simple.

"I have a girlfriend," she whispered. She pulled away and turned around, and Sebastian didn't try to stop her this time.

He watched her as she got dressed, quietly collecting her clothes from wherever they had landed. Slowly putting them on and not trying to hide herself from his view. He just stared, watching her get ready. He waited till she was done, reclothed back into what she had been wearing before they did…. Everything.

He stood up, walked over to her. She kept her head bent, clearly not wanting to look at him. "Santana," he stated. "We need to ta—."

"No," she stated firmly, turned to face him completely. "We don't. I have a girlfriend."

"You keep—."

"_No_," she said again. "I have to go."

"Just—."

"No, I—."

"Santana please—."

"Sebastian just—."

He stopped her this time by shoving his lips against hers, forcefully, just anything to get her to be quiet. To understand where he was coming from. To see why he needed to talk to her about how confused he was.

She kissed back for a long moment, just as forcefully, and was forcing her arms to stay at her side and not pull at his hair. She kissed him for a long moment, forgetting why she was ready to bolt out of there, just kissing him because—_dammit_ kissing him felt _right_.

Eventually she pushed him away, taking a few breaths.

"This isn't right, I have a _girlfriend_," she told, sticking to the truth she knew.

He let out a frustrated noise and pulled back from her. "Fine! Whatever Santana, go be with your girlfriend! I don't care!" he yelled, frustrated. He stared at her, and if he hadn't been so blinded by his confusion and anger, he may have noticed the flicker of hurt that crossed her face. He yelled again, "Not like either of us are confused about what's clearly between us or anything! Nope, just go to your girlfriend, who, by the way, wasn't the one you just spent two incredible hours with!"

She was quiet and watched him inhale ad exhale heavily. She gave him a minute, let his words sink in, before nodding her head. "I know," she told.

And then, for the second time, he watched her walk out.


	4. Chapter 4

_**SebastianSmythe01: **__Santana_

_ Your necklace_

_ You left it_

_ At my house_

_ Come get it later_

_ At 6_

_**SebastianSmythe01 is offline.**_

She gulped and stared at the IM window.

**!&!**

Santana walked into school with the heavy thoughts of that morning's message weighing down her steps. Three days. That's how long she had been granted without him. Three days without seeing him, without hearing his voice, and without any sort of communication between them.

She had hated it. She thought maybe doing it just one more time would quench her need for him, but it just came back stronger. Eating away at her core and making it impossible to look Brittney in the eyes. She was fine around the group, but with Brittney it was harder to keep up the façade.

And she could tell Brittney was starting to notice something was wrong with her.

The blonde skipped over to her and immediately grabbed her hand. Santana smiled and tried to act as normal as possible. "Hey boo. How are you?"

"Great! I figured out how to take the keys out of my ignition, so I don't have to leave the windows down every time I need to get out of my car."

Santana smiled patiently and gave Brittney's hand a squeeze. Brittney deserved so much more than Santana...

"So, do you want to hang out after school?" Brittney asked as they headed towards their first class of the day. "We can go watch that three hour movie about the humans that are robotically made into ponies."

Santana gave another smile, and made no effort to correct Brittney about how the movie was about centaurs. She opened her mouth to reply with a "sure", but she stopped as images of her computer screen from this morning popped into her mind. She closed her mouth and thought hard, trying her best to decide quickly. They had rehearsal after school today till four, and the movie being three hours it wouldn't be till at least 8 by the time she could get to Sebastian's.

"I can't Brit, I'm sorry," she said, squeezing her hand and feeling sick. She was placing a necklace above her girl, she couldn't believe it.

_A necklace? Ha,_ her mind mocked and she really felt sick then. She knew she was using the necklace as an excuse, just as she was using Brittney as an excuse.

"Oh," was all Brittney noised as they sat in their seats. She seemed saddened, and in thought. Santana tried a few times to get her to come back to class, but Brittney seemed worried, and Santana was sick with herself, so she wasn't much help.

The rest of the day past in a nauseous blur for Santana. Brittney was distant, Sebastian was on her mind, and she flunked her history test. She couldn't believe her predicament. She walked into rehearsal quietly and took a seat next to Brittney, who gave a polite smile.

Santana was worried, but didn't have time to discuss it as Mr. Schue walked in and started going on about something. She was busy being worried. She wanted to go home and change before she went to Sebastian's because she was, for lack of a better word, crazy now. So, she gave herself permission to freak out and figure out what to wear to his house.

Before she knew it rehearsal was over, they practiced for one song they'd be doing at Regionals, and argued over "which version was better" and that was that.

She turned in her seat to say bye to Brittney and tell her she'd call her later, but noticed she was already up and telling Rory she'd meet him at her car.

Santana stood up and practically sprinted to Brittney. "Britt, wait up!" she called, worried. Brittney stopped and waited for Santana to catch up and place a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, you left before I could say bye," she said.

"Well, you said you were busy, so I figured I just wouldn't get in the way," Brittney told.

Now it made sense. Brittney was _angry_ with Santana. And Santana wanted to let her be, she deserved to be. If she knew what she had done and was going to do….

"I'm sorry, boo," Santana said. "I flunked that history test today, and I need to get home and clean my room." Ugh, what a lame excuse. She didn't really care all that much about the test to the point she wanted to go home and sulk about it; and her room was a mess, but she _really_ didn't care about that. She was terrible.

"But, why can't you just do that later and we go to the movies now?" she asked.

"I just… want to get it done," she lied.

"You can, but later, right?"

Santana wanted to be the perfect girlfriend. Nod her head in reply, and tell Brittney she was right. Grab her hand and head out to Santana's car. Go to the movies and be happy. She would never try to put Sebastian over Brittney again. She would never instigate contact between her and him. She would let him go and eventually the two of them would forget each other as nothing more than a spontaneous fling. Because she loved Brittney.

But, Santana wasn't a perfect girlfriend. She was selfish, and she wanted to see Sebastian. Get her necklace back and even more, just see him again.

She shook her head, "I just can't Brit."

"San," Brittney started. "What's up with you? Is something wrong? Do you wanna talk about it?"

Santana sighed. She saw this coming. Brittney was perfect, really she was, but she always wanted to talk, and Santana wasn't up for it right now.

"No, I gotta go Brit." She kissed her on the cheek. "Sorry boo, I'll call you later." And she walked away, feeling terrible, sick, and... excited.

**!&!**

He glanced up at the clock for possibly the one-thousandth time in the past ten minutes. 5:58. Still? This was a long minute. Longer than the last. How long had he just been waiting in his living room, looking out through the slits of the shades hoping to see her car roll up?

Why was he waiting? Like she would just show up exactly at six. If anything, she'd make him wait till 6:15. Damn.

This morning, he thought he was being tactful, IMing her so fast she had no time to reply, but with enough time in between each to let her read the words and let them sink in. It was perfect, mysterious, and would surely be enough to get her to come back.

He had a new plan to have Santana. It was perfect. Both of them were just extremely attracted to each other, so they just needed to do that whole "Friends with Benefits" things. He decided that "playful" would work better than trying to force her to talk to him to get her to accept that. Besides, he was gay. That meant that he just… he was… he just was attracted to her. Because he was gay.

A red car pulled up and parked across his street. That was her car. Exactly at six.

Now he was freaking out. He turned to face a mirror, straightening up his hair, smoothing out his shirt. Not because he cared, but because he… was… vain…. Yeah….

_Diiiing, dooong_.

Oh gawd, that was her. Just a door between them now. He could feel himself get warm and a sweat form on his brow. He put on his smirk, tried to remain calm and walked up to the door.

He opened it, and tried to not take a sharp intake of breath like he wanted to when he first saw her. She was wearing a short skirt, leggings, boots, a long sleeved shirt and looked, just… hot. Really hot. He had to stop staring; he had to keep it together.

"Santana," he said in his cocky voice.

She rolled her eyes and stuck out her arm, palm face up. "I'm here for my necklace."

"Okay," he said and crossed his arms. "Of course, you'll have to get it yourself."

She furrowed her brow and stared at him.

"It's in my pants." His smirk stayed and he felt so smart.

She raised an eyebrow, before glancing at his jean pockets.

"And _not_ in my pockets."

Her eyes grew wide and she stared at him like he was crazy. "What's wrong with you?" she hissed, as if there was someone could hear them.

His smirk never wavered. "Listen, I'm attracted to you. Don't know why, don't care. I just know that our sex is some of the best sex I've ever had. Now, I understand you have a girlfriend, but you have to understand that I want nothing more than sex, since I happen to be gay and you're a lesbian so it would be weird if we did more. I want sex, and you want your necklace. We can make this work." He drew a breath and felt his… (dare he say it?) heart sag. It was a small, tiny clench in his muscles, because he knew that… he wanted more. If she believed him, he was a better liar than he thought.

And surely enough, he was.

"So," Santana started. "Just sex?"

"Yup," he said, his smirk never falling. "Just sex."

"And I get my necklace back?"

Here, he knew, he won. Even if just for awhile, he could assure she would be come back to him.

Still though, as she shoved him into the house and kissed him hard before dropping to her knees, he wondered how long _this_ would be enough for him.


	5. Chapter 5

It soon became a thing. Whenever he could (no longer than four days apart), he would send a blank text to her. Nothing wrote in it. Just a blank text. That night, at around six, she would be on his doorstep and then in his arms.

He loved it because she was there and she was perfect and for awhile he was happy. Holding her, touching her, being in her; it was pure bliss. The small banter she allowed floated to the top of his mind and made him chuckle for no reason.

She loved it because he was real and he was constant and he made her really happy. Kissing him, inhaling him, and feeling every part of him; it was amazing. The short times where he would allow them to lay in silence were the moments that made her smile for no reason.

He hated it too, because she was distant and she was closed off and she had a "girlfriend". Not being able to stare into her eyes, not being able to ask questions, not being able to talk about anything to personal; it was taunting. She would leave abruptly, every single time, and he would just be _angry _after that.

She hated it too because he was snarky and he was always smirking and he was making her a cheater. The moments when he clearly wanted more, when he said something that reminded her how wrong it was, when he confused her even worse; it was torture. He would get huffy when she had to go and then she would leave and just feel _terrible _and not know what to do.

**!&! **

She was waiting for it to become boring. Repetitive. A task. Something that had to be done. For the sex to become nothing more than all of that.

It never did though. Every time she went the pit in her stomach would roar to life anew and she would find new reasons to want him, to feel wanted, to want to be there with him.

It was scaring her.

**!&!**

He never felt for more confused than after she left. He wanted her, he was wanted by her, and that set off things in his brain.

He had thought himself gay since he was ten. It made sense to him, being gay. He liked boys and stuff, but he never pushed past that thought. That would involve his past and the past was unnecessary. He just needed the present.

And, for now, the present involved Santana.

**!&! **

"Oh… oh gawd…"

"Mm, Santana… I-I—."

"_Sebastian_!"

"_Santana_!"

30 seconds later, they were panting, sweating, and Sebastian had made a gesture with his hand that indicated smoking a cigarette and Santana had giggled. Now, he had his head laid on her stomach with her hands running through his hair softly.

Two minutes passed in silence before he started to hear a small hum vibrate from her body.

"_Hmm…" _

It was gentle, soothing, and he tried to pick up the tune she mindlessly noised. Had he heard it before? He didn't think so. Not something on the radio, at least a station he listened to… Dammit what was it?

"Okay," he said, not moving. He continued when she stopped. "What are you humming?"

"What?" she asked, sounding as if she just awoke.

"You were humming," he told, turning his head on her blanket covered torso to face her. "What was it?"

"Oh…" she said. "It's this song called 'Diet Mountain Dew', by Lana del Ray."

He raised an eyebrow. " 'Diet Mountain Dew'?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know. I thought it would be stupid, but it's actually really good. Poetic and shit."

He chuckled. "I wanna hear it," he told her.

She rose her eyebrows. "Really? How do you plan to do that?"

"You could sing it," he suggested.

She rolled her eyes again. "Uh-huh. Sure."

"No, seriously," he told, shrugging slightly. "Just a little bit. I wanna hear this 'poetic and shit' song."

She chuckled. "Fine, but just a little bit. To the first chorus."

"Kay," he told. He closed his eyes and listened as she started in lightly.

"_You're no good for me _

_Baby you're no good for _

_You're no good for me _

_But baby I want you _

_I want you _

_Diet Mountain Dew _

_Baby New York City _

_Never was there ever a girl so pretty _

_Do you think we'll be in love forever? _

_Do you think we'll be in love? _

_Diet Mountain Dew _

_Baby New York City _

_Can we get now down, low, and gritty _

_Do you think we'll be in love forever? _

_Do you think we'll be in love?" _

She went on, for a long time, well past the chorus. Clearly lost is just singing and running her fingers gently through his hair. He never opened eyes like he felt he should have; just listened, certain lyrics pricking at his ear.

"_...Take another drag turn me to ashes _

_Ready for another lie?..." _

"_...Maybe I like this roller coaster _

_Maybe it keeps me high..." _

And then, the chorus, which was repeated and repeated but never got old. _Do you think we'll be in love forever?... You're not good for me, but baby I want you… _

He really liked this song….

She finished, her melodic voice dying down and her fingers slowing their drags through his locks.

"That was… amazing," he told. "Especially since we weren't dueling."

"Yeah, because it would be awkward to show up in your own bed. Well, in singing at least."She laughed and he finally opened his eyes to see her smiling face as she stared at him. He smiled back and just stared at her for a moment in amazement.

"What?" she asked chuckling, dragging her fingers back through his hair, loving the feeling of each strand between her fingers.

"I think we just had a real conversation," he said suddenly, and she felt her eyes get wide, her heart rate pick up. No, no. This couldn't happen. Real conversations couldn't happen. She sat up, making him pick his head up from her stomach. She spoke quickly, "I have to—."

"No, Santana," he interrupted, grabbing her hand and for once she didn't immediately interrupt him. "It's not serious. Just a conversation about a song. Nothing to intense. That's okay right?" He sounded… desperate. She looked at him, seeing a pleading behind his smile. Did he _want _to have a real conversation? Why would he? No, he couldn't want… more, than sex. He must have just been tired of her running out after he brought anything up, right?

She felt herself nod.

He smiled wider. That had been another thing that had started to freak her out lately. He _smiled_ instead of smirked. Smirking she could deal with, but this full blown smiling made her stomach flutter and her cheeks blush and she got all nervous and it was weird. The sexual stuff, now, was easy to deal with, but the… girly stuff? That was... weird.

His head started to tilt forward, obviously going in for a kiss. Santana didn't know why, but this kiss scared her. It made no sense, she had done much more with Sebastian than kissing, but as his head got closer and closer she felt nervous and scared. She didn't-couldn't kiss him this time. She had to stop, had to stop him from coming any closer. So, she did the only thing her body thought of.

She sneezed.

"_Achoo!" _

Sebastian stopped. He squinted his eyes closed and pulled back. "Okay…" he mumbled, pretty much just grossed out.

"Uh, sorry," she said, giving him the blanket. "I… didn't mean too."

He wiped the debris of the sneeze off of his face and tried not to think how that it had felt intentional.

"I should go," she said after he opened his eyes again. She stood up quickly and Sebastian felt his anger flare.

He stood up and watched as she grabbed her clothes from the corner of the room. "Really? You're just leaving again?"

She didn't hesitate as she started to put her underwear on. "Yeah, what else would I do?" Her snarky voice was coming through.

"I don't know," he huffed, loudly. "Maybe for once we could just talk or something, but no. You just always have to leave," he kept ranting as he put on his boxers. "Every time. We start talking about _anything_ and you just leave. Leave like we didn't spend yet _another_ amazing past few hours with each other. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, but you clearly do—."

She turned around, scaring him as she started to scream: "SHUT UP! I DON'T know what I'm doing! What we're doing—I don't know what's going on or how to deal with it so _shut up_!"

He stared at her, her eyes were puffy, and she just looked so distressed. They were finally talking.

"No," he told. "I won't 'shut up'. We need to talk about this Santana. We can't just keep ignoring it and acting like that sex is all that there is and—."

"We can't, Sebastian," she interrupted. "I have a—."

"_Oh my gawd_!" he yelled looking up at his ceiling and screaming, "I GET IT! You have a GIRLFRIEND! Everyone knows you have a _fucking girlfriend_ Santana! Everyone knows Brittney is your girlfriend and I'm just some guy you fuck on the sidelines!" He was raging and his blood was boiling and he couldn't fake this anymore.

"I thought you wanted it to be just sex!" she argued, her adrenaline pumping so fast it was burning her ears.

"I lied!" he barked back, and they both grew silent as his word to hold of each of the them.

She stared at him, his breaking face. He looked so hurt, so distressed… just the way she was sure she felt.

He looked down, feeling stupid. He shouldn't have told her, shouldn't have tried to talk. He should have just kept faking, acting like it meant nothing to him, he could have kept her then. Stayed with her, even if it was just for a few hours, and those hours were just physical.

"You lied?" she asked, so confused.

He nodded and shrugged. It didn't' matter anymore, he couldn't keep her now. "Yeah. I've always wanted more."

She looked at the ground when he tried to bring his gaze to hers. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't. Why did she let herself think, even for a minute, that this would work? Just sleeping with him. He never even wanted that, he always wanted more.

What about her? Had she wanted more? Did she want more? Were the answers that were trickling to the top of her mind real?

"Listen," she started quietly. "Regionals are soon. We shouldn't see each other anymore."

He made a scoff sound. "Really, Santana?"

She looked up and saw pure disappointment painted across his face. "First the girlfriend excuse, now you're using Regionals? What's next?"

"Well, what happens when the New Directions win?" she asked pulling out her snarky voice. She needed him to get mad, do something stupid so she could hate him. It would be easier to hate him if could give her a reason too. "You gonna want to sleep with the girl who kicked your ass in the competition?"

He let out a long breath through his nose. "You know what?"

There, that was the tone she wanted. Pure anger, loathing. He would say something mean, rude, racist, _anything_ to hurt her feelings. That's what she needed. She needed to hate him because if she didn't the other feelings would take over and that was scarier than anything.

"What Twink?" she asked, crossing her arms and staring at him with confidence she really didn't have.

"I would."

**!&! **

He watched as she walked across the street, got into her car, and drove off. Watched her leave. Watched her show him he couldn't have her.

After he had made his comment, she had turned around, got dressed and walked out. He didn't know why he didn't run after her like he had the first time. He didn't even watch her this time. He just sat on his bed and stared at the ceiling, listening to her get ready and even then trying to block out the noises. He didn't get up till he heard his door close and her feet clunk down the stairs. Then, he got up, and watched the street for her.

He messed up. He couldn't have her. She didn't want him to. He had no clue how he felt, how she felt, or what to do now.

Sighing, he picked up his phone and searched through a contact he hadn't called in a long time.

Maybe the past did have something to do with the present.


	6. Chapter 6

[**Important A/N: **_I wrote this before the Regionals episode aired, due to computer complications I was unable to upload it till now. Please keep that in mind as you read and notice that my version of Regionals are done differently._]

Two weeks.

The longest she had been away from him since their first time together. Exactly two weeks. No contact. No texts. No IMs. No accidental run-ins. Nothing. No him. For two weeks.

Now, she sat in the New Directions prepping room, doing her make up for Regionals. She looked at herself and rebrushed over her eyelids lightly. Yeah, she looked fine now.

She was distracted, clearly. She knew she would see Sebastian. She'd have to. He was going to perform, and she'd have to watch him. Stare and hope that two weeks had been long enough time to destroy the pit in her stomach.

He was a constant thought she couldn't get rid of. Especially in her dreams, which made mornings unbearable. She was being tortured and she didn't even hate him.

"Santana?" a voice spoke from behind her. She turned and saw Rachel standing in the doorway. "You ready? The Warblers are about to go on and we saved you a seat."

Santana smiled and nodded. "Yup, let's go see how bad we're about to beat those lame asses," she said. She stood up, and tried to leave her confusion in the seat.

Unfortunately, confusion lays in the heart.

**!&! **

"_AND NOW FOR THE DALTON ACAMDEMY…. WARBLERS_!"

There was cheering around the seats of the New Direction's area. The only ND member who clapped was Blaine, and no one blamed him. He had said time and time again that he still did care for his friends, even if he shouldn't have.

Santana sucked in a deep breath, and watched as the curtains rose.

The a cappella noises started, and she watched as he looked up and started to sing.

"_You could have knocked me out with a feather _

_I know you heard this song before _

_But we're just hell's dreamers _

_Why won't the world revolve around me? _

_Build my dreams _

_Trees grow all over the streets_."

He kept singing, but she didn't know the song. It sounded nice, a like… indie? Maybe. She heard a few people in the New Directions ask the same, and when the answer was told by Tina, Santana still didn't know.

Then, as he started the chorus, his eyes found hers. And he just stared.

"_Let's hear it for America's suit hearts _

_I must confess _

_I'm in love with my own sins." _

Her heart stopped as he repeated the lyrics. He kept staring at her. Staring as, in a song he confessed his love. Wait, love? No, this had to be a mistake.

When the chorus ended, and he was forced to look away, she felt herself go dizzy. This couldn't be. Did he mean to look at her? _Was _he looking at her? He could have just been looking at this general direction of the crowd. No, he wasn't looking at her.

Then, he sang the chorus again, and his eyes found hers once again.

"_I must confess _

_I'm in love with my own sins_."

She stared, trying to keep her jaw from hitting the ground or her emotions get the best of her. He was looking at her. There was no way she could lie and think he wasn't. He was. Staring as he sang the lyrics that, too most were just lyrics, but to her so much more.

The chorus finished and he looked away.

She had a whole bridge to try and figure out why the pit in her stomach felt like it was fluttering. It wasn't roaring, it was fluttering. Like it was full of… of… butterflies? Oh shit, butterflies? Like girly-crushy butterflies? Yes, that's what it was.

Then, he met her gaze again the butterflies grew. Why was he doing this to her?

"_I'm in love with my own sins_."

She stared with wide eyes and felt her brain say something, but she couldn't hear own thoughts over the view of his gaze. He had control, something she had fought desperately for the first time they had been together, and se didn't mind. She couldn't hold her control steady right now.

He looked away for the last few seconds, and the girl sitting next to her squeezed her hand.

Santana glanced at Brittney, gave a smile, looked back, and saw Sebastian staring at her, with heart break on his face.

She never felt more like a cheater.

**!&!**

The New Directions went on next. They sang their own songs again, Kurt and Blaine doing a ballad Blaine wrote, the whole group performing something they wrote together, and then the Trouble Tones getting their performance at the end. Luckily, all of Santana's parts had no confessions of love or devotion or even apologies, so when her eyes casted to Sebastian's she didn't feel terrible for cheating. Dammit, she wasn't cheating on _him. _She was cheating on _Brittney_. Well, not anymore. Because she gave up Sebastian. She gave him up, so she could have Brittney. Because she... loved, Brittney.

They finished, Mercedes bringing in the last note with a bang. They were all panting and stood dead still as the curtain slowly dropped. Santana smiled wide and stared at the crowd. Before the curtain obstructed her view, she saw Sebastian. Sitting completely still in his seat. Not applauding, not smiling, nothing. Just sitting there, staring at her.

She gulped, and felt terrible as the curtain hit the ground and Finn came from behind her and scooped her up in a hug as Brittney ran over and hugged him and soon a big group hug was formed. She laughed and ignored the throb the pit in her stomach was emitting a feeling so... bad.

**!&!**

He had refused to look at her this time. He wouldn't turn his head an glance at her and her standing in the New Directions area, right next to Vocal Adrenaline. He wouldn't look at her, dressed in her knee length, black, poofy skirt and tight red tank top. He wouldn't risk gazing at her as she stood perfectly still with her beautiful face a gorgeous body highlighted beautifully. No, he couldn't look at her. Couldn't, couldn't, couldn't-

Dammit, he glanced. Just for a second. Why did she have to be so... intoxicating? So perfect. So...

_Stop_, he told himself and stared down at his shoes. "Jared" had told him to stop thinking this way. Then again, Jared had said a lot of things and most had confused Sebastian. He'd have to talk to him again later. Tomorrow. Unless they had the victory dinner tomorrow, then he'd have to wait till Monday.

Finally, Mrs. Leonda, the wife of the Mayor's brother-in-law or something, came out onto the stage with a microphone. She started talking in this high pitch voice and Sebastian rolled his eyes and just listened in on a few key words.

At last, she said the words that forced his full attention. "And now; for the winners!" She started to open the envelope.

They had to win. It was logical. Vocal Adrenaline had been next to terrible. Apparently, their new coach had been fresh out of college and collapsed under the pressure and they barely did anything. Little dance movements, bad song choices. They couldn't win.

New Directions: cute songs, and they had Santana, but really? They weren't the Warblers.

"Second place goes to..." He shrugged, barely listening. Second place had nothing to do with them. And that wasn't worry that was making him sweat, that was... something that had nothing to do with worry at all. "_The Dalton Academy Warblers_!"

**!&!**

She watched as he walked across the stage, grabbing the small trophy and giving the fakest smile she had ever seen. He held it close to him, and turned, walking back to his spot by the rest of the Warblers, who looked as saddened as he did.

She couldn't stand the look on his face. The same heart broken one he had on stage which she had smiled at Brittney. She turned her gaze away.

_This is a good thing_, her brain thought as the lady started to open the other envelope. _Now, when you guys win, he'll hate you. Won't ever talk to you again. You'll forget him and love Brittney because Brittney is good for you._

"_The McKinley High New Directions!"_

Everyone squealed and yelled and clapped and group hugged again, and Santana quickly joined in. Hugging and laughing as Rachel started to bawl.

She denied it to herself, that she glanced over and saw Sebastian with a look of... pride.

**!&!**


	7. Chapter 7

_Text to: Santana_

_Come to my house. Six o'clock._

He sighed, shutting his phone. He looked up at his ceiling, feeling weird. Okay, but weird. Something important would happen tonight, he knew that. Whether it be good or bad, it would still be important. Jared had told him how he was going to have to deal with this. One step at a time.

One step.

**!&!**

She couldn't believe herself as she pulled up in front of his house again. She kept doing as he asked, bending at his will. Why? She had no reason too. She didn't owe him anything.

Her grip on the steering wheel tightened and she took a breath. She didn't know what was going to happen in there this time. His text had said something, it wasn't just blank. If it was blank, she would know what he wanted and maybe that would have been easier to turn down the mystery behind the words on his text.

She got out of the car, shoving her keys in her pocket and quickly stepping across the street. She walked up the steps and knocked on the door, waiting. Waiting like an idiot. Because that's what she did.

He opened the door, and she noticed right off the bat his glasses. Big, black, bulky, nerdy ones. But right under those nerdy spectacles, his eyes were watching her curiously. Like he was examining her.

Santana shifted, unsure of what was about to happen. "What?"

He moved aside and let her in. She walked into the living room, feeling the pit quiver and tighten in her belly. She turned around as he closed the door, and she watched as he leaned against the wall.

"Congratulations," he said. "On Regionals, I mean. You guys deserved it." His voice is emotionless. Just words coming out of his mouth and walking into her ears. She'd never heard him with such a tone.

"Um, thanks," she said, giving him a really puzzled look.

"You know, Santana, we haven't fucked in like two weeks," he tells her nonchalantly.

She stares at him, trying to figure out what game he's playing, what he's getting at.

"And you know, we haven't fucked in two weeks was because I actually expressed some emotions towards you," he continued. "You ever done that? Tell someone how you feel, and they just walk away?"

She opens her mouth, then closes it again as she remembers when she told Brittney she loved her and Brittney shot her down. Back when Brittney was the only person Santana wanted. But now, Sebastian.

That was what she was seeing in his eyes. The same things she had felt when she had first had her heart… broken.

She had broken Sebastian's heart.

He shook his head, no longer watching her. He stared at his feet, and she stared at him, not sure how to act. Not sure what was going to happen next. She didn't know anything.

"Do you love Brittney?"

His words cut down her sharply, slicing her open and emotions just pouring out of her. She walked up to him and put a hand on his arm and tried to convey everything she thought and felt into words. "Sebastian, I don't know what I'm-" But he stopped her.

"_Do_," he stressed. "You. Love. Brittney?"

She looked at her hand on his arm. His arms were warm. His whole body was warm. And comfortable. She wanted to press against. She _wanted_ to.

"I don't know," she spoke. "I don't."

"Well," he finally looked up, but she knew what was coming. It didn't surprise her when he pulled out of her grasp. "Have fun being indecisive." He opened the door for her.

"Sebastian-"

"Just," he stopped and looked at her and all she was pain. "Just go, Santana."

And she did.


	8. Chapter 8

She walked down the halls of her school, her sneakers squeaking every few steps and people moving out of her way. After all, she was Santana Lopez, and no one wanted to be in her way when she looked like she was in such a hurry. Which right now she kind of was. She was tired and beat and had been up the whole night before with thoughts of Sebastian. What he asked and wanted to know. How she didn't know the answer to, what just two months ago, would have been so easy to answer. She had loved Brittney, she was sure. Loved her like nothing else... but now, with Sebastian in the picture the answer was harder. She didn't know anymore.

If she loved Brittney, she would have stopped with Sebastian easily, _hell_ she would have never hooked up with him in the first place. But she had. She had cheated on Brittney too many times to count and she had been okay with it. If she really loved Brittney, would cheating have been so easy? And Sebastian... He felt so good, so _right_. Everything about him sent her body on a high. Pushed her up and destroyed her and she always wanted more. Every part of him satisfied her and he made her feel like she satisfied him, which only sent her body even higher. She wanted him.

Her eyes glanced at the note in her palm. 2:15. That's when she was suppose to be in the science room, and right now it was... 2:14. Good, she wasn't late.

She turned to walk into the dark classroom, and stopped, seeing a face that made her smile.

"Britt-Britt," she said, trying to sound like she hadn't just been thinking about Sebastian. "What's going on?"

Brittney smiled and held out half a cookie. "It's our anniversary!" she told.

Santana raised an eyebrow and told her carefully, "Brittney, our anniversary would have to be on a Monday, and it's Thursday."

Brittney gave a confused sad look. "I thought you just had anniversaries whenever you wanted. Like Birthdays and Easter."

Santana smiled, staring at the blonde who smiled back and held the half of the cookie back out to her. Santana looked down at the cookie, which was frosted with half a yellow smilie face. It was cute, perfect, like Brittney. Just like Brittney.

**!&!**

He grabbed his backpack, leaving the school. He couldn't stay here, he was falling asleep in class and he just felt weird. He needed to go home.

But home... Home was worse. There were memories at home. Of her. Pressed against his walls, lying on his floor, tangled in his blankets. He was already miserable at school, home couldn't be better at all. Not with her scent still sweated onto his sheets no matter how many times he washed them. Her screams echoed in his mind and her quips made him smile and feel depressed because she wasn't his _dammit_. She wasn't his.

He got in his car. Started it. Stared ahead of him. There was a limited amount of options. He had been everywhere with her that he could run away too. The Lima Bean, his house, that one time her school parking lot...

There was one place, and in his state it would probably be considered a bad idea, but what choice did he have?

**!&! **

She practically snarled as she jumped back into her car after leaving the Lima Bean in a huff. He hadn't been there, or school, and apparently he wasn't going to be picking up his phone or text her back anytime soon. She had to find him and tell him what decided. He deserved to know. She just had to find him first.

She checked her phone again, rolling her eyes at the lack of text messages or phone calls. Where was he? What was his problem? Thad or Chad or someone (a Warbler she had brutally interrogated) said he had skipped on the end of the school and Warbler practice.

So where the fuck was he?

Her next guess was his house, but what was he doing there? Was he sick or something? Damn him and his annoying ways of _not answering his damn phone_.

Santana practically sped to his house, she just needed to tell him and get it over with but he was being such a dick that she didn't even want to tell him. She stopped quickly and practically jumped out of her car. She ran across the street and stormed up the steps and knocked on the door as hard as she could. She was going to yell at him before she told him anything because he's a freaking grown man and should learn to answer his damn phone and-

"Excuse me?" a woman answered, and Santana felt her body go numb.

"Oh, um," she stumbled over her letters, realizing that this must be Mrs. Smythe, Sebastian mom. She had to be, she looked just like him. Same strong facial structure that was somewhat... woodland creature like. Same shade of brown hair and eyes. She had to be his mom. Oh, this was awkward.

"May I help you?" the lady asked stiffly.

Santana tried to gather her words, think of a logical lie, and not freak out. "Um, is Sebastian home?" she asked dumbly. She really hoped he was, this was way to incredibly awkward.

The lady shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. My son isn't here right now."

"Oh," Santana noised, looking around awkwardly. "Um, can you tell him I stopped by? My name is Santana Lopez, by the way." She's never been good with adults. She'd always been awkward or inappropriate when is came to her "superiors".

"Of course," the lady told. "Good evening." And she shut the door.

Well, that was no help.

**!&!**

He sat on the edge of his car, just thinking. He really was crazy about Santana. He couldn't control it. He didn't know why, and he fucking hated that he did. He hated her. He wanted her. He never wanted to see her again. He'd have her right now if he could.

But she made her decision yesterday. Yesterday she had decided leaving was better. She decided that Brittney was better. That Brittney was safer.

And now, as he sat on the hood of his car and thought about it, she was probably right.

**!&!**

She had pulled up to sit at the end of his road, out of his house's view. No need to let his mom think she was a stalker or a creep. She just needed to tell Sebastian, before her courage disappeared. Before she thought of the consequences of telling him.

Her eyes scanned the road, and in the background, she saw this hill. Just a few minutes away it looked like, and she couldn't see anything but the hill. As far as she knew, there was no way up that hill.

Still, she had tried every where else. Why couldn't she just try there?

**!&!**

He heard the car before he saw it, and he sighed. His silence was being disrupted by tourist, pot heads, or horny teenagers on the run. So much for some time alone. He pushed himself off his car as the other car parked next to his. He might as well leave, whoever was here didn't need his emotions ruining their mood.

He turned and looked to the car, a small red one that he immediately recognized, and watched as Santana stood out and turned to face him, slamming the car door closed.

He blinked. "Santana?" Why was she here? She shouldn't be here. She couldn't be here, this place was for him to be alone at. She was going to disrupt him.

But he wanted her to stay.

"Why haven't you been answering your phone?" she asked, walking over to him, and if he was stupid, he'd swear she was worried about him. He was pretty stupid though… or fucked up, at least.

He shrugged, reaching his hand into his pocket and feeling his phone, which sat in silence. Right next to…. "Hey, want one?" he asked, pulling out his pack of cigarettes.

She looked at the pack, then at him, a little taken aback that he had them. He guessed she never really considered him a smoker, that all those times he talked about them, he was joking. He wasn't a real smoker, not really. He just stress smoke sometimes, like now.

She reached out and took one from the pack, and he was careful to not let their hands touch. And again, if he was stupid, he would think that he saw a look of her cross her eyes.

"Got a light?" she asked, holding it out to him, and he lit the stick up quickly, avoiding eye contact with her and lighting up his own. They both leaned against his car, staring directly ahead, not moving or talking just… smoking.

She'd lost her courage. Just by closing her car door she'd lost her courage. She was gonna storm out and just tell him, yell it at him, but she was scared now. He seemed off balanced. Like his thoughts weren't coherent with his actions. Like offering her the cigarette conflicted with what his mind was thinking. Like how she felt right now.

She refused to glance his way, to toss her gaze to the image of him holding the lit cigarette to his lips or blowing out smoke. She didn't know why, but she had a huge fear that if she did, she would do something stupid.

Oh hell, this whole thing was stupid.

She needed to get him speaking, that way she could break it to him gently, without harming him or her in the process. She needed to be smart, and make sure she stayed in control. So she said the first thing that came to mind.

"I met your mom."

He coughed, clearly startled by her sudden approach, and looked at her, bewilder. "What?"

"Yeah, I was trying to find you, so I went to your house. She opened the door. I don't think she likes me," she told as she knocked off spare ashes. "It was kind of funny. I'm sure you'll have to give a full report about me to her."

He smiled and looked at the ground, thinking how Santana was right. His mother _would_ want a full report. That's how she was. She was the strict parent….

"Did you meet my dad?" he asked, quietly, as he inhaled.

She glanced at him, her eyebrow rose and the pit tightened. "No," she told. "Why?"

He was quiet for a long time. He just stood still, his cigarette a few inches from his lips, burning away as he stared at the ground. She watched for a moment, but then turned her head away. What was wrong with him? What was up with his dad? Her thoughts went to Blaine's dad, who had bee rumored to not be so… proud of the gay son quality, so maybe his dad was like that?

But he denied her suspicion. He stared at his shoes and told her, "Well, the guy my mom's married too, that's not my dad."

She stared at him, beyond confused, but didn't interrupt.

"He's my step-dad, Darryl. My mom married him when I was ten, so he's been my dad since then." He paused. There was something more. Something he wanted her to know, she could tell. There was a story. "My real dad," he started again. "Well, he was… he was a bad guy, I guess. He, um, he," he paused again, and she saw him look away. "He, uh, he was kind of a beater."

And suddenly, it made sense.

Her confused look goes away, and she understands.

"He, uh, I guess he was really homophobic, and he had all these fears I would grow up being gay so he… he, um," he paused again, and he sounds so lost, so scared and confused, that she didn't know what to do. So she just stood there. Listening. "He'd do all these things… I was a really boy-ish. I played with G.I. Joes and Hot Wheels, but… I guess he was just worried, and every time I sang he'd, um, he'd hit me. Just you know, belts and stuff. And I really liked to sing." He acted so distant, like he was reading a story, a report, _anything_ besides a memory. "Guess my mom got tired of it after awhile. It gets hard to explain so many fractures." He threw his cigarette and watched it fall, and Santana felt her heart go with it.

"We moved to Paris without him, came back and he was gone, and mom married Darryl. And I've never heard from him again." Finally, he turned his head, staring at her. "That's pretty fucked up, right?"

It was then she realized she was crying. Quietly, just a few tears falling, because this wasn't her story to sob over, and she was actually waiting for him to start, but his eyes weren't even glassy. They were just distant, like he was as far away as he could possibly be.

"I went to therapy for a few years after that," he continued. "This guy, Jared, he tried to help me through it. Nightmares and junk… When I came out to him though he was so… normal about it. Like he saw it coming, and not in the 'I always knew you were' kind of way, in this… 'Oh, really?' kind of way. I stopped seeing him after that." He coughed, looking away from her. "And I figured that was it. I was gay, I liked boys, and that was all."

Then, she caught his gaze again, and his hand, carefully, made it's way to her. His clutch is gentle, and she let him, because this is important to him. "Then… you." He didn't look at her; his eyes stared at their glued hands instead. "You just… fucking walked into my life and I just wanted you-_want_ you so bad. It scared and confused the fuck out of me. I had done it with other girls, yeah, but… you just… I don't know. It really messed with me."

She wanted to interject, say that she understood and she felt the same, but her the pit in her stomach stopped her and told her this was Sebastian's story, that she needed to listen for once.

"I thought I could just have sex with you. That that would be fine. That _that _would work. But the more we went at it, the more I wanted you again. And again. That wasn't the scary part though, I wanted to…" He looked to her, just for a second, and then turned his head away again. "To know you, I guess. I don't know, you were a bitch, a girl, a pain in my ass… but I wanted to know why you had vanilla shampoo, and what your favourite movie was, and if you felt anything towards me. And it scared me."

He tightened his grip. "Jared thinks that by my dad beating me, I assumed I was gay. That him trying to beat the gay out of me made me think I was actually gay. There. That's all you wanted to know. I'm sorry." He pulled his hand away and leaned off the car. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do tell you that much." He moved away, turning away from her and clearly making movements to leave, and she reacted without a thought.

"I broke up with Brittney!"

He stopped.

"I broke up with her because… Well, because dammit, I really like you Sebastian. I can't say I love you, cause I don't know if that's true, but I really care about you and I want to get to know you and I want you to take me to Breadstix and get into these arguments about who's better and have sex with you but also sleep in the same bed with you and I want to talk to you about your past and my past and I-I-I-"

She stopped as he turned around pressed his body to hers, hugging her so tight she thought she could break.

"I want to be with you," she told into his shoulder. "Just you."

He hugged her tightly, for so long and she was so happy. His arms around her waist was so right. So comfortable. She wanted to keep him, and now… She could. She could have him because surely this hug meant he was hers. That after all of the shit they had been through he still wanted to stay. He still wanted to be with her. And she wanted him, because Sebastian was right. He was perfect for her, and she wanted him in so many ways. She needed him.

It was a long time till he pulled away, and even when he did it wasn't completely. He just took his head off her shoulder, tore one of his arms from around her waist, and he stared at her. Her brown eyes staring into him, red and puffy and _happy_. Because she wanted him. She wanted to be with him. Brittney was gone; she was all his.

His hand went to cup her chin, delicately. She stayed still, staring at him. Just starring, not questioning or wondering. Just starring. He pulled her as gently as he could forward, tilting her head towards him.

She felt the pit in her stomach get tighter, ad she recognized this feeling. This kiss that was coming, he had tried it once before, and she had been scared and sneezed because she didn't know what she was scared of. Now though, as his lips inched closer and closer, she realized why.

This was an actual kiss.

His lips brushed against hers. No force, no clanging teeth, no battling tongues, no bruising. This was just a kiss. So sweet, so innocent, that it scared her and made her so happy.

It scared him too, for all the same reasons. A kiss this gentle that he could actually feel her breath against his lips and didn't require the same heat it always did. It meant so much more than their many other much more physical acts.

She felt her eyes well up again, and she clenched them shut tight, as his lips moved against hers in a whisper.

"I want to be with you, Santana."


	9. Chapter 9

"You _can't_ be serious," he laughed. "I mean, it was sad, but a _whole week_?"

"I'm serious!" she told. "I don't know what happened, but Hedwig died and I just _bawled_. I couldn't pick up the book after that." She shrugged. "It was really pathetic."

"No, it's cute," he argued and brushed his fingers through her hair. "Still though, a week. I finished that book in three days."

"Yes, I know. You've told me about three times," she rolled her eyes, a smile still glued to her lips.

"Well, I'm proud."

"More like smug."

He laughed and kissed her gently, her skins heat warming his entire body.

They stared at each other for a second as they lay in his bed. She'd accustomed herself to coming over now, not just to have sex (though they never pushed away the moment when it arose) but to _talk. _They sat around his house and talked and listened and watched movies and ate and Sebastian loved it. He found out so much about the girl he was laying next to, and she about him.

He leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers again. The pit in her stomach fluttered and she sighed as he pulled away. She couldn't remember being so content, not even with Brittany. She had been happy with Brittany… but in such a different way. The way Sebastian made her happy made her feel light and on air, like she couldn't do anything wrong, and even when she did… it was okay, because he still wanted to be with her.

To them, their relationship was official. To the rest of the world (excluding Brittany, who had been told during the break up), they hated each other. They had to, being from rival clubs and such spit fire personalities. He was an ass and she was a bitch.

But that was beyond not the case.

He wanted everyone to know about them. That somehow they were working out. That even with his snark and her sass, they managed to compliment and fit into each other perfectly. He wanted to show off and brag that out of everyone else in the world, she had chosen _him_. She could have had anyone, she had even had a better deal, but in the end she wanted _him_ to have her. After a long time of being rejected and hurt, he finally had something real and beautiful. How could he _not_ want to brag?

"I want to take you out," he confessed. "On a date. To Breadstix."

Her eyes looked apologetic. "I know… I want you to." She took her hand and laced her fingers through his. "I want to hold your hand in public. And have you pick me up from school."

"Then I should," he sighed. "I should be. I want to."

"I know but…" Her words stop and she gnawed on her bottom lip.

"The New Directions," he sighed, knowing this was the only thing standing between them and becoming public with their relationship.

"I just… I don't know what I would say. How do I tell them the guy they hate so much is my new boyfriend?" She stared down at his shirt, in deep thought about the conflict she was facing.

He felt like a tween girl as he smiled at her calling him her "_boyfriend"_. He really shouldn't have gotten so hyped over it, but he couldn't help it. It felt so official and he loved it. He was so tired of being nothing more than just "one night stands", and being with Santana… It made him feel good.

He took his free hand and brushed it through her hair again. "Just say… This is my boyfriend. Get the fuck over it," he told her. "Why do you care what they think anyways? Can't you just tell them the screw off?"

"Because," she exhaled, pausing momentarily to play with the collar of his shirt. "They're my friends Seb. Even though they're the biggest group of wannabes, cry babies, back stabbing, hypocrites _ever_, they're my friends. I don't want to lose them all." She stopped again and looked into his eyes. "I want to show them that this," she gestured between their two bodies, "Isn't just some way for me to rebel or that we're just some fling. I want to show that you really are my boyfriend."

He grabbed her hand, interlacing their fingers and he stared at them, feeling completely cheesy as he noticed how well they fit together. Their entire bodies fit together just as well, he belonged to be intertwined with the Latina, they were built for each other.

"Then you have to tell them," he told her, going back to stare into her eyes. "You just have to tell them and convince them that we _are_ real."

"I will," she breathed.

"Tomorrow," he said firmly. He didn't want to delay what they had any longer.

She stared at him, trying to weigh if this was an argument she: A) could win and B) wanted to have, because she wanted to go public, too. She wanted nothing more than to have him pick her up from school and see girls swoon over how smoking hot he was but he was taken by the one girl who could easily tear them a new one so they couldn't dare touch him because he belonged to _her_, Santana Lopez.

So she agreed. "Okay, I'll tell them."

A smile broke across his face and he leaned over to kiss her once more, before mumbling against her lips, "Looks like we're coming out tomorrow."

She laughed and slapped his shoulder before kissing him again.

**!&!**

Santana gave a small, polite smile to Quinn as she sat next to her in the choir room. Her eyes glanced to the phone in her hands, and sighed as it told her she had no new text messages.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asked, causing Santana to redirect her attention to the blonde, who she had been spending a lot of time with since her and Brittney's break up.

Santana quirked her eyebrow and put her phone back in her lap. "Yeah, I'm fine," she told.

"You look a little upset," Quinn said. "I was wondering if you were thinking about," she twitched her head to side, and Santana looked behind her to see Brittney and Artie talking and sitting very close to each other.

Santana was surprised by the lack of shock her body held. She wasn't angry or jealous that Brittney was moving on so quickly, because really Brittney deserved someone like Artie. It had been wrong of Santana to tear that apart. She didn't have a right to be jealous about the relationship in anyway.

She checked her phone again.

"I'm fine," she told Quinn and gave a small smile.

"Alright guys!" Mr. Schue yelled, walking in and greeting the New Directions as he always did. "In just three short weeks, we will be making our way to Chicago where we will-and I completely believe what I am about to say-_win_ at Nationals."

Everyone clapped, and Santana glanced at her phone again.

"But first," he continued, "Santana has something she would like to say." He stepped aside and gestured for the Latina to take his place. She walked to the front of the crowd, and felt her coward side come out as she stared at the eyes in front of her.

Today was it. He made her promise today she would tell them. As much as it scared her, she knew she had to tell them.

"Alright guys, uhm," she coughed and clasped her hands together. "As all of you know, me and Brittney broke up a couple weeks ago. We dealt with it best we could but, um, we haven't told anyone why we broke up, and it's because…" She paused, and glanced at the eyes that were so unpredictable and she was so worried as to how they would take the news. They would be very quick to reject her, she knew. "Because I was seeing someone else."

The reaction was loud and quick:

"WHAT?"

"Santana how could you?"

"Oh, poor Brittney…"

"Who'd you cheat with San?"

"Yeah, who's the other girl?"

That question made Santana's lips quirk. She had almost forgotten that they didn't know her revelation about her sexuality. So much of her had changed that they knew nothing about, and with that thought she felt a pang of guilt because they were suppose to be her best friends and she had been hiding so much from them.

"Everyone, please," she called for their attention. "Let me explain. The person who I cheated with meant nothing to me at first. We had a lot of sexual tension and I figured a few good screws and that would be enough." Her words froze as memories splashed to the front of her mind and she though of those first few times with Sebastian and how good it was to be with him and how those feelings were still so potent.

"But?" Mercedes pressed, not happy with the small delay in her words.

"But, um," Santana quickly tried to get her train of thought back on track. "But, I… I started caring about him." The words brought a silly smile to her face as other memories of them hugging and talking and kissing lightly came up. She hoped everyone would see how happy she was just by the girly smile on her face, that they would just be able to see how Sebastian made her feel.

Her smile though, wasn't what caught everyone's attention.

"_Him_?" a few different voices yelled in what sounded like panic.

She inhaled sharply as they yelled. She had forgotten that they still saw her as a lesbian and had no knowledge of her recent self-discovery as pansexual. Another thing to explain. Great.

"Yes, _he_." She stared at the rude group intensely, silently warning them that if they didn't shut up, Snix was going to be the one telling them this and she wasn't _nearly_ as patient as Santana was being. "Now, I know a lot of you assumed that because I was with Brittany that I was a lesbian, and for awhile I thought I was too, but I was never with Brittany because she was a girl. I was with her because… I loved her." This time, when she stopped, it was to glance at Brittany, who was looking at her. She remembered what she had said when she broke up with too sweet girl.

"_We have to break up._"

"_What?"_

"_We…. We have to break up."_

"_W… Why?"_

"_I've been… Seeing someone."_

"_What?"_

"_I've been cheating on you. I'm so sorry."_

"_Why?"_

"…_. I don't know."_

She shook her head and continued. "I found out I'm pansexual."

"Does that mean you're attracted to pans?" Sugar asked and Rory patted her shoulder sympathetically.

"No." Santana rolled her eyes and continued to explain. "It means that… gender doesn't matter. I thought I was straight as they came until I met Brit, then I figured I was lesbian. But now… this guy…" The same silly smile adorned her face.

"_Well, who is it?"_

"_Britt-"_

"_Who were you cheating on me with?"_

"Santana, if you're having a hard time coming to terms with your sexuality-" Kurt started, but Santana quickly stopped him.

"No Kurt. I _am_ at terms with my sexuality. I'm pansexual. This guy, I can't say I love him, but I _really _care about him. And it would mean a lot to me if you guys could try and accept him."

"_I don't think I should."_

"_Just tell me San. Please."_

"Santana, we're your friends," Quinn said. "Of course we'll give him a chance."

Santana smiled. "That's all I want."

"Well, who is it?" Blaine asked, being as optimistic as ever.

Santana bit her lip nervously and stared at Blaine, feeling like his optimism would soon evaporate. That all of their kindness would go away as soon as she said it. "Um, well, he doesn't go to this school, but you guys do know him…." She looked away and hoped that they could put two and two together so she wouldn't have to confess it to them out loud.

But they didn't. They all looked at each other confused and mumbling things at each other until someone (she's too caught up with keeping her voice even to note who) said: "Tell us who it is Santana."

"_Who is it Santana?_"

Just like when she told Brittany, she took a deep breath before admitting the name.

"Sebastian."

The reaction was instantaneous.

"_What?"_

"Santana!"

"You can't be serious!"

"You _are_ joking right?"

The shouts are fierier than her resolution as pan. Blaine looks betrayed and Kurt looks like he could spit on her. Finn's face has conjured up a disgusted sneer and everyone else is clearly trying to comprehend how she could do this.

She was scared by the reaction. She expected it to be intense, but not that hateful. Sure, they had agreed to be open-minded, but now with the knowledge of who she was talking about, it looked like they were backing out of that deal.

"Guys, please-" she tried to start again, but they wouldn't let her this time.

Kurt barked at her, his eyes lit with a rage she had only seen a handful of times. "What are you _thinking_ Santana? Do you know who you're talking about?"

"Yes, but if I can-"

"Santana, he tried to _blind_ Blaine!"

"I know but if I can just-"

"He been trying to break me and Blaine up for months!"

"I know, but please-"

"Wait," it's Sugar who spoke this time. "Isn't he gay?"

Santana opened her mouth, ready to tell he was bisexual (they had no need to know back story), but she was cut off again, this time by a voice behind her.

"Not really, bisexual more like it.'

She turned sharply and saw him-_Sebastian_- standing in the doorway and looking worried. "Seb," she mumbled. "What are you doing here?"

He walked in, only looking at her and said, "You told me you were telling them today; I came to make sure you were alright."

She was so thankful for him at that moment, because even though his actions should have made her look weak, she actually felt _cared_ for. She hoped the club would see that.

They didn't though, they just saw Sebastian for all he was worth three months ago. They didn't see that he had changed in that time period, and that she had changed with him. They simply saw the same two people they only knew who are awkwardly placed in front of them.

"Oh, come on," Rachel scoffed. "Of course she's alright. _We're_ her friends, Sebastian." The group around her made noises of agreement.

"Yeah, you guys looked really friendly when you were yelling at her a second ago," he shot back before he reached a hand up to gently grab her bicep, silently asking if she was okay. She smiled, and nodded in response.

Kurt interrupted their brief moment. "Well, as her friends we're trying to talk some sense into her. For some reason she's convinced herself that _you_ are an acceptable person to look at for more than ten seconds without having the urge to gag." He deliberately blinked his eyes for longer than necessary after saying this.

"You could always try listening to what she has to say," Sebastian snarled though his teeth, trying his hardest to be on his best behavior.

"So she can tell some bullshit you've brainwashed her with? Yeah, no thanks."

"Kurt!" Santana yelled, completely shocked with his attitude. "You need to shut the hell up and stop acting like you know everything."

"Okay, everyone calm down," Mr. Schue stood up and looked between Kurt and Santana, who were having an all out glare match. "Now, I know we're all shocked, but-"

"But nothing Mr. Schue!" Rachel whined. "She's flirting with the enemy at least!"

"Oh, _shut up_ Rachel _St. James._" Santana shot back and Rachel's whole face went red and she shut her mouth. "I'm allowed to date whoever _I _want." she reached her hand over and grabbed Sebastian's, squeezing it. "I want to be with _Sebastian_. He's my boyfriend because _I want him to be._ This is my decision, just like how it was my decision to tell you guys." She sighed, and her eyes stung slightly. "Apparently _that_ was the wrong decision."

Everyone lowed their eyes and looked away from the couple. She wanted them to apologize, to say they were sorry and that they would try to accept the one person who made her truly happy.

They didn't.

"I guess I quit then," she declared, squeezing Sebastian's hand even tighter.

Everyone started to protest then, which really made Santana angry, but no one spoke louder than Sebastian.

"San, no." He tugged her hand, making her look at him. You can't quit. You love this club."

"Sebby," Santana mumbled the nickname quietly. "I can't stay here. Nobody's going to accept me."

"Nationals are coming up; they're going to need you," he encouraged. "You stay in the club, they'll eventually have to get over that we're together." He turned to stare at the gang of wannabes his girlfriend felt the need to call friends. It was fine though, he would get use to it. And they would have to as well. "_Right?"_

Nobody said anything, not that he really expected them to, but from the look on Santana's face, she had been. He squeezed her hand tighter.

"Okay, well I guess that settles it," the teacher said, and shrugged at the clan of students. "I guess it's time to start rehearsal.

Sebastian rolled his eyes at the man's poor antics to smooth things over. Santana was right, this guy was ridiculous.

"I'm gonna go," he whispered to her, trying to ignore the judgmental eyes starring at them. "You want me to pick you up?"

"Yeah," she whispered just as low. "I'll be done by five."

"Okay, I'll see you then." He leaned in and pecked her softly on the lips, intending to show Few Directions that they weren't going to hide their relationship anymore.

During the small kiss, they both heard the abrupt sound of a chair sliding. They pulled back just in enough time to watch as Brittany stormed out of the room.

Santana gripped his hand tighter.

**!&!**

Sebastian sighed dramatically as he parked in his driveway. He looked over at the tan girl in his passenger seat, who was starring at his house and biting her lip nervously.

"You know, we don't have to do this," he told, hoping she would assume he was trying to get rid of her discomfort instead of his own.

She turned her head and lifted her eyebrow at him. "I thought you wanted to be more _public _with our relationship?"

He sighed again, and leaned back in his seat. "I do, but… I forgot that included," he inhaled slowly before letting out, in an exhausted tone: "_My parents._"

Normally, she would have giggled at his behavior and called him a "drama queen", but right now she was too tense. She had no clue how this whole scene would go over, and Sebastian's unwillingness wasn't helping in the slightest.

"She's really not gonna like me, is she?" Santana asked as she looked back at the house.

"Not sure. I mean, maybe since you are the girl who turned her son straight."

She reached over and slapped his shoulder. "I'm trying to be serious."

A small smile twitched his lips. He reached over and grabbed the hand that had slapped him and he massaged the back of it with his thumb lightly. "I don't really know, babe. I've never introduced anyone to my parents, especially a girl since they still think I'm gay. So I really don't know."

She smiled at him, thankful he was being honest instead of bullshitting her and saying things like "they'll love you" and "it'll be fine". It prepared her a lot more than those fibs would.

Santana leaned over and kissed Sebastian, only meaning to for a minute but… Well, she was glad to have the center console, since that seemed to be the only thing that kept them apart.

Eventually, she pulled away and he was hoping she would suggest they just leave and find a place that was center console-less.

Instead though, she said, "Well, time to find out."

**!&!**

"But you're _gay_," Sebastian's mom repeated for the twelfth time (Santana had been keeping count). The utter shock on "Maureen" and "Daryl's" face would have been hilarious in any other situation. Right now though, as she sat across the table from her new boyfriend's parents and clung to his hand under the table, they were more displeasing than anything.

"I know that's what I told you mom, but I've never really been… sure. I just kind of… _thought_ that I liked boys," he explained. "I told you what me and Jared talked about."

"Yes, but…" Her eyes gazed over to Santana, who immediately sat up straighter. "I just want to make sure you're… happy."

"I am happy Mom. Santana means a lot to me." He squeezed her hand under the table. She smiled over at him, but he kept his gaze glued to his parents. "I know this will take some getting use to, but I just wanted you guys to know."

"Yes, thank you honey," Maureen said and patted the hand he left lying on the table.

"Have you two thought about this?" Daryl suddenly said, starring between the couple. "I mean, I'm glad you came to terms with who you are and your past Sebastian, and I'm glad you could help him Miss, but have you guys really _thought_ about this?"

Santana turned her confused stare to Sebastian, who had his brow furrowed together.

"School's almost over," he continued. "College will be starting soon. Sebastian, you've be leaving for Massachusetts in just a few months."

"We've talked about it," Sebastian told. "We're taking it a day at a time."

"That's all well and dandy, but you're going to _Harvard_. You need to make sure your priorities are in order."

"They are," Sebastian defended. "I'm not giving up on Harvard. Just because I have a girlfriend now doesn't mean I stop working on the plan I've fulfilling for the past six years."

"Getting into a serious relationship can make you lose focus," Daryl told before throwing his attention to Santana, who sat up even straighter. "You seem like a nice young girl, but you have to see where I'm coming from. Sebastian has a whole future ahead of him that he shouldn't cast aside for a fling."

"It's not a _fling_," Sebastian argued quickly. Santana squeezed his hand this time. "She means a lot to me dad, and she knows how important my future is. I'm going to Harvard, no matter what."

"You say that now, but-"

"No, no buts dad," Sebastian leaned forward, showing his dad he was not backing down from the argument. "I am going to Harvard. I am going to be with Santana. I'm not giving up my dream for her, and I'm not giving her up for my dream."

Santana's heart fluttered in her chest. He squeezed her hand.

"Well what are you two going to do then?" his mom asked this time. "Harvard is very far away from Lima, and you two will be so busy, long distance will be impossible."

"Actually," Santana spoke up before she could stop herself. "I applied to some school in Massachusetts."

Everyone stopped and stared at her. Santana felt her face go red and realized how _weird_ that sounded. She hadn't even told Sebastian yet.

"You have?" said boy asked, directing all of focus on her.

"I, uh," she stopped and sat up straighter, trying to find a way to explain this as best as she could. "Um, I did. Before we started, uh, talking and stuff. I have an aunt who lives there, and that's why I applied. Not because… I just, I was going to tell you but-"

"So you might be going to Massachusetts?" Sebastian asked, trying to clarify her jumble of words.

Santana paused, glancing swiftly at his parents curious gaze, and then to Sebastian concentrated look and she knew she sounded crazy to them. A girl who was ready to leave everything behind for some guy, even though that's not how the story went. Still, she would roll with it, and if Sebastian didn't label her as clingy, then she would explain in detail later.

"Yes, I might," she told.

Sebastian smiled wide.

**!&!**

Santana looked away when Sebastian opened the car door. She bite her lip when he leaned down and stared at her, sitting in the passenger seat and refusing to unbuckle herself from the car. She didn't think she could go two days in a row dealing with adults. She didn't want to do it again. Yesterday had been awkward enough, why did she have to go through it all again?

"San, baby," Sebastian pleaded with an amused smirk on his face. "Come on, let's go in."

She continued to not look his way. "Why are you so anxious? Aren't you suppose to be all worried and unwilling to meet my parents?"

"I should be, but you've taken over that job," he teased.

Santana whipped her head to glare at him. "I'm worried okay? I went through a lot telling my parents I was gay and now I'm just jumping trains again. What if they get mad? My mom may seem sweet but she can go all Lima Heights and-"

Sebastian, tired of her worrying, stopped the Latina quickly and pressed his lips to hers. "They're not gonna be mad," he mumbled against her lips.

"Oh, because you know them so well?" she replied sarcastically before pushing her lips against his.

He chuckled, and grabbed her hand as she kissed him harder, clearly trying to take his mind off of what they were suppose to be doing. He kissed back, thinking he could keep his mind together enough to remember that they had a situation to confront.

That was, until she stuck her tongue in his mouth.

He pulled away quickly and felt his brain go everywhere. "No, stop. Stop that."

"But _Sebby_-" she started to whine.

"_No_. Come on. Let's get this over with." And he pulled her out of the car.

**!&!**

"… So you're straight again?" her mother asked and Santana let out a big sigh as she leaned against the counter next to Sebastian.

"No, not straight just-"

"I mean, honey, I don't care, really. As long as you're happy-"

"I am, really."

"But you need to make sure this is what you want and it isn't just you-"

"No, mom, we're serious and I really like him."

"That's fine then and I'm sure your papa will agree that as long as you're happy."

"I am, Mom. Seriously. Sebastian makes me happy."

"Okay, then I'm happy."

And that was it.

Sebastian stared between the two women, still starring at each other. Santana had a big grin on her face, and "Maribel" was shaking her head and silently laughing.

Why couldn't it have been that easy with his parents?

**!&!**

This time, when Sebastian opened the car door, Santana extended her hand willingly and placed it into his. He smiled and gripped her hand then slowly pulled her out, taking his time to examine her beauty. Her mid-thigh black skirt, tight red tank top…. She was beautiful. Gorgeous. _His_.

She smiled up at him and his full gaze. "Breadstix, huh?" she asked teasingly. "Very original for a first date."

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Be quiet, I told you this is where I was going to take you when we 'came out'." She laughed at his choice of words. "Now come on, let's walk in and hold hands and play footsy and make everyone throw up."

"Or make me throw up," Santana said, raising an eyebrow at his suggestion.

"You know I was kidding," Sebastian chuckled. "For real though, let's go in there, eat, and then we'll go back to my place and fuck till the neighbors complain."

Santana laughed, loudly, then shot up and pressed her mouth to his.

"Now _that's_ more like it."


	10. Chapter 10

The second he pulled up in front of her house, she was out the door, dragging along simple black suitcase and toting another and her purse on her arm. He watched her, gracefully walking to the sidewalk. She looked beautiful, even though she warned him she would look like crap this early in the morning. He called bullshit, and he was right. Her hair was an untamed mess, her make up was barely there and smeared, her clothes were baggy and comfortable looking. She looked amazing, he knew.

He got out of the car and walked over to meet her on the sidewalk. She smiled up at him and didn't hesitate to hand him the bag resting on her shoulder after she pecked his lips quickly.

"Morning," she said and smiled.

"Morning," he replied and shrugged her bag further on his arm. "Say goodbye to your parents already?" he asked as they walked back over to his car.

"Yeah, it wasn't a big deal like last year. I'll just be in Chicago so they're not as worried," she informed and threw her suitcase in the back after he opened the car door. "Thanks again for taking me to the airport, babe."

"Yeah, yeah, no problem. Boyfriend duties." He shut the car door and leaned down to kiss her again. "That everything?" he asked when she pulled away.

She glanced into her purse momentarily to make sure she had her phone and wallet (Mr. Schue was carrying everyone's tickets). She nodded, "Yup, all good to go."

"Alright, get in. We've got an hour drive ahead of us." Santana turned to go to the other side of the car, and Sebastian lightly tapped her butt quickly, which caused her to give him a very suggestive eyebrow wiggle. He smirked and shook his head as he got into the driver seat.

They drove off quickly, only stopping at Dunk N Donut's drive thru for coffee (black for Sebastian, iced coffee for Santana) and donuts (jelly filled for Sebastian, chocolate glazed with sprinkles for Santana) before leaving Lima and heading to Dayton.

They ate in silence as Sebastian drove. His stereo had one of his CD's in and on low, but Santana barely caught some of the lyrics that poured through.

"… _I must confess_

_I'm in love with my own sins…."_

She smiled silently to herself.

After a few minutes, when Sebastian had devoured his donut and Santana had slurped her coffee away, did Sebastian start a conversation: "You excited?"

"Yeah," she answered, shrugging slightly. "Not as much as last year, but I am. Chicago should be cool and we'll definitely win and whatever." She shrugged again and took the last bite of her donut. "Did you find out if you can come watch?"

Sebastian sighed and glanced quickly over at the Latina. "I'm gonna try. I've got my interview at Harvard this weekend too, but I might be able to get out early enough to fly down and watch you. No promises though."

"It's okay," she assured and smiled over at him. "I was just wondering. Don't fuck up your interview or anything, okay?"

"Me? Fuck up an interview? Ha," Sebastian chuckled and smirked at Santana's eye roll. "But hey, speaking of Massachusetts…" He paused and glanced over at her. "You heard back from any of the schools up there?"

Santana leaned against the seat and stared at him as she quickly told. "Yeah, last night I got a letter. I got into that community college."

"The one in Boston?" he asked, feeling his heart pound and his eyes getting wide.

"Yeah."

Sebastian gulped. "Are you going to it?"

Santana stopped. She didn't speak for awhile, she just stared at Sebastian as he drove and stole a few glances of her every few seconds. She studied his face, the crease his forehead had, the glint of worry his eyes held. This was a huge decision that require a lot of talking on both their parts.

"Yeah, I think so," she told.

Sebastian smiled wide and grabbed her hand, sending relief through her as he did. He wasn't scared away, good.

They drove on, discussing Massachusetts and their plans and trying to figure everything out. They wanted to be together, that part was clear.

Eventually, Sebastian pulled off the highway and into Dayton and headed to the airport.

"When does your flight leave again?"

"Nine. We're all meeting up in the lobby at eight, so I am… half an hour early." She smiled over at him again as he pulled into the airport parking lot. "Thank again for driving me."

"It was no problem, really," he smiled back at her and squeezed her hand, still clutched in his own. "Who are you sitting with on the plane?"

"Quinn. She's still been pretty nice to me," Santana shrugged, though her chest ached for a minute as she thought of the cold shoulders and iced glares she had been receiving for the past week from almost the whole glee club.

Sebastian squeezed her hand again. "Everyone else is at least being civil, right?"

Santana nodded.

Sebastian let out a small sigh. He hated seeing Santana like this, so broken over a group of idiots who didn't want her to just be happy. Why couldn't they just let the two date and get over it? He had apologized, hadn't he? So why couldn't they just back off for once?

He pulled up on the curb of the entrance. "You sure you don't want me to walk you to the gate? I don't mind."

"I know, but the guys will be in there, no reason to start anymore drama." She shrugged and unbuckled herself. "So, I guess I might see you this weekend, or next week?"

"Yeah, I'll try," he repeated and grabbed her hand.

"Don't worry about it."

They smiled at each other.

There was a moment. One where Sebastian felt his heart seize in his chest, before restarting even faster. One where Santana could feel the pit in her stomach clench and choke her with butterflies. Sebastian stared in Santana's eyes and saw himself and saw just how happy he was and he knew that was because of her. Santana stared in Sebastian's eyes and saw herself and she felt on the brink of tears because she had never felt this way.

They stared, and both exhaled at the same time.

"I love you," Sebastian spoke.

"I love you, too," Santana replied.

They leaned in and kissed gently, pulling back only after a few seconds. Then, Santana got out of the car, grabbed her bags, and left with a small goodbye.

And Sebastian watched her walk away, smiling as she left.

And that, was that.

…**..**

Sebastian, was just about to start his car, when something clicked in his brain.

He just told Santana Lopez he loved her.

He did love her. He knew he did. He could feel it. He wanted to be with her, he cared about her, he loved her in every way he could think.

Then why, exactly, did he just let her leave?

From what Sebastian remembered he had never been anything but fully and totally sexually attracted to her and every part of them was fire and hot. So why the hell didn't he kiss her the way he wanted to?

He looked to the airport entrance.

No way she walked that fast.

He opened the car door and ran out, running towards the sliding door and just as he did, he saw her heading straight for him. That made him smile.

She didn't hesitate to throw her arms around his neck and yank his head to her and press their lips together fiercely. He wrapped his arms around her waist tightly and kissed her back just as roughly. Their teeth clanged, they battled for dominance.

It was just like their first kiss.

He smiled at the thought and held her closer.

"Sorry," she mumbled against his lips after a moment. "I just couldn't believe I left like that and-"

"I know, I couldn't believe-"

"I love you."

"I love you, too, San."

And they kissed again.

And _that_, is that.

**The End.**

A/N: Thank you so much for reading. Please go to theonwhowrites. tumblr tagged/on-miwjc for my shout outs and information on sequel, and contests.

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed.


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